1. On Friday, portraits of various world leaders painted by former President George W. Bush were unveiled at an exhibit in Dallas. Most visitors were impressed with the artwork, but, per usual, Bush forgot to make sure the exhibit had clearly marked exits.
2. According to a new review, some smartphone apps contain accurate information to help parents diagnose when their child athlete has a concussion. The way it works is the kid has a concussion if the on-field collision is so intense that the parent actually looks up from their smartphones.
3. A Czech fraudster on the run from prison got hired as a chief economist at a museum where he stole $500,000. Although the museum should have been suspicious after he responded to the interview question “Where do you see yourself in five years?” with “Somewhere that doesn’t have an extradition agreement with the Czech Republic.”
4. For the second time in three years, Mazda has issued a recall due to a spider that likes the smell of gasoline and weaves a web that blocks a vent in the engine. “Oh, I thought they liked me for me,” said Gasoline Joe.
5. According to police, a woman seeking revenge on a romantic rival smashed the windows of her South Philadelphia home and dumped a box of rats inside. Said the woman, “And to think, people called me crazy for saving all those rats.”
6. Virginia Representative Jim Moran has publicly objected to 2015 spending legislation that calls for another pay freeze for Congress, keeping lawmakers’ salaries at $174,000 a year. “Good news, we have a solution to your problem,” said the voters of Virginia.”
7. On Friday, Secretary of State John Kerry said Washington was evaluating whether it was worth continuing its role in Middle East peace talks. If Kerry does pull out, it may be the first step towards a lasting peace as Israelis and Palestinians will finally have a shared talking point to bond over, their mutual dislike of Kerry.
8. The National Civil Rights Museum, located in the converted motel where Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated, reopened on Saturday after a $27.5 million renovation. The last time that kind of money was spent at a motel, Charlie Sheen was on a bender.
9. A 17th century book owned by Harvard Law School, thought to have been bound in human skin, has been shown through scientific testing to be sheep skin instead. The book is entitled, “The Joy of Cooking Ewe.”
10. Hundreds of Mormon women who want equality were denied admittance to a male-only session of their faith’s spring conference on Saturday. Said one male Mormon in attendance, “I’m so sorry, you’ll have to excuse my wives.”
